The Adventures of Kevtar

From Bladehammer Legends Wiki

The Adventures of Kevtar is a 2015 action adventure masterpiece developed and published by Thomas. It is the first game in the extensive Bladehammer Legends franchise and one of my favorite games I ever played before.

Access to the Game[edit]

The game was deemed too good for Steam, so it is currently only available via the indie game distribution platform


The Adventures of Kevtar features more gameplay than any game that came before it. Players control Kevtar, a sword-wielding hero who just wants to do some quests and slay a lot of things. Kevtar can both move and attack, making it the only game to ever have more than one game mechanic.


Kevtar, while patrolling his Kingdom, was flagged down by a ghost claiming to be from the future who beseeched Kevtar to assault a nearby castle and kill the wizard inside. The ghost told Kevtar that the wizard was, "plottin' and plannin' to cast a doomsday spell." Kevtar begrudgingly agreed to the request, claiming that a refusal to do so would dishonor the dying wish of his late father.

Kevtar entered the castle and dispatched the skeleton guards. Proceeding deeper into the castle, Kevtar was greeted warmly by his supposedly dead best friend, Goblin King. This Goblin King was quickly revealed to be an illusory imposter, however. Evil Wizard immediately appeared and took credit for the ruse. Kevtar vowed to kill him, which prompted Evil Wizard to reveal that he and Kevtar were brothers. I shat my whole pants when this twist happened. Despite their familial bond, Kevtar proceeded to knock down the large chair Evil Wizard was standing on, killing Evil Wizard instantly.

Sometime later, a mysterious phone call took place between Ghost From the Future and an obscured voice. Ghost From the Future revealed that the preceding events at the castle were part of a larger plan that Kevtar could not be made aware of. Ghost From the Future confirmed that the plan was proceeding smoothly and addressed the other party by name before hanging up, unveiling their identity - the Goblin King, who apparently faked his death to participate in this conspiracy.


Timeline of Events[edit]

The following timeline of events is displayed after the credits, giving additional context to the events of the game. If you read these, and they don't deepen your appreciation for the game's story, then you're probably way too stupid to appreciate the nuances of the game's intricately crafted plot, you fucking idiot.

  • 1973 - Kevtar and his brother Evil Wizard are created in a lab or something. They are separated at birth.
  • 1976 - Angola joins the United Nations.
  • 1981 - U.S. President Ronald Raegan is shot in the chest outside of a Washington, D.C. hotel by John Hinckley.
  • 1981 - MTV, a 24-hour music video channel, is launched.
  • 1984 - Apple Computers released the Macintosh personal computer for sale in the United States.
  • 1984 - Richard Ramirez (the "Night Stalker") murders his first confirmed victim.
  • 1984 - Goblins are a thing now.
  • 1989 - Genetic modification of adult human beings is attempted for the first time.
  • 1989 - The Sega Genesis is released in North America.
  • 1990 - The 90's begins.
  • 1991 - Goblin King is elected king of the Goblins and appoints Kevtar as his best friend.
  • 1995 - O.J. Simpson is found not guilty of double murder.
  • 1995 - Sudden Oak Death (SOD), the tree disease caused by the plant pathogen Phytophthora ramorum, is first observed in California.
  • 1999 - A ghost from the future makes contact with the Goblin King, warning him of an impending Doomsday in 2016.
  • 1999 - Goblin King fakes his own death and uses Ghost's knowledge of the future to make the Illuminati.
  • 2000 - The Y2K bug happens.
  • 2000 - The 90's ends.
  • 2001 - Goblin King does 9/11.
  • 2005 - Nothing happens for a while.
  • 2015 - The Illuminati determines the cause of Doomsday and formulates a plan to prevent it.
  • 2016 - Kevtar kills Evil Wizard.
  • 2016 - Doomsday is averted.
  • 2016 - But then it happens anyway.


I thought it was really great.